Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
