i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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