there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
