what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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