Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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