pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Screwed.edu
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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