I'm jealous of your bromance
Can Purell be used as lube?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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