Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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