Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
