Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
