Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
