well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
