you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
