never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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