i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
