if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
