Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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