she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
