Swine flu. Run for my life!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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