ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
