Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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