This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
