Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
