True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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