shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
