it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
