she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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