:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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