I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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