I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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