is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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