i barfeds in our rink
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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