I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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