he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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