Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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