she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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