i think i have herpe
just one?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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