i was born a porn star she said
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
3pm strippers are depressing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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