Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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