I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
