We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
