I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
