So gin and wine won't be happening again
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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