ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
