It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
