Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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