Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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