So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
