sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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