Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
