i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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