I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
