i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
