I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
